Poems and Prose by Melissa Balmain
SELECTED POEMS
On Looking at an MRI Cross-Section, Marooned, and Caught in the Webb in Rattle
Sidewalk Face-Off and The Sheltering Suburbanite to Her Neighbor in The American Bystander (For more of my pandemic-themed poems, go here.)
Niagara Overlook (Winner of 2020 Kim Bridgford Memorial Sonnet Contest)
Thumbelina Moves On in The Hopkins Review
Love Poem in American Life in Poetry
Two Poems at 2013 Able Muse Book Award Winner Announcement
SELECTED HUMOR PIECES
Hemingway Updated for the Post-Roe Generation in McSweeney's Internet Tendency
What Some Poets Would Say If They Were Around for National Donut Day in McSweeney's Internet Tendency
Six Hundred Years of History, Explained by April Fools' Day in McSweeney's Internet Tendency
A Letter From the Easter Bunny to the World’s Candymakers, RE Upcoming Changes in Weekly Humorist
I'm the Couch You Left at the Curb, and I Am Pissed in Points in Case
My Shower-Mold Teacher in Little Old Lady Comedy
The Seventh Sense in Little Old Lady Comedy
Wes T. Satire... Is Dead in The Satirist
Bingeworthy New Kidlit Adaptations in Weekly Humorist
Who Are You Really? in McSweeney's Internet Tendency
What to Expect After Implantation of Your Newterus in Weekly Humorist
Before You Drop Your Child Off at Camp Honestee in McSweeney's Internet Tendency
How to Prepare for Nursing in Parenting
SELECTED COLUMNS and ARTICLES in Success
Can Tidying Up Your Home Fix Your Messy Life?
What Happened When I Tried to Stop Swearing
32 Nuggets of Wisdom (with a Twist)
How I Turned Weeping into Purpose in Mom's Last Days
BOOKS AND ANTHOLOGIZED ESSAYS AND POEMS
Satan Talks to His Therapist, by Melissa Balmain (Paul Dry Books)
The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy-Tale Reboots for Adults, by Melissa Balmain; illustrated by Ron Barrett (Humorist Books)
Walking In on People, by Melissa Balmain (Able Muse Press; chosen by X.J. Kennedy for the Able Muse Book Award)
Just Us: Adventures and Travels of a Mother and Daughter, by Melissa Balmain; illustrated by Gina Ingoglia (Faber and Faber)
"Love Poem," From the Finger Lakes: A Memoir Anthology (Cayuga Lake Books)
Ten poems in Extreme Formal Poems: Contemporary Poets (Beth Houston Publishing)
"To-Do," Houses and Homes Forever (Sampson Low); "Tale of a Relationship in Four Parts," Lost Love (Sampson Low).
"Marooned," Love Affairs at the Villa Nelle (Kelsay Books)
"Dorothy Parker's Ghost Weighs In on the New Political Climate," Nasty Women Poets: An Unapologetic Anthology of Subversive Verse (Lost Horse Press)
"Song of the Braball," Bared: Contemporary Poetry and Art on Bras and Breasts (Les Femmes Folles Books)
"Eve Gives a Pep Talk," The Great American Wise Ass Poetry Anthology (Lamar University Press)
"Facebook Psycho," Killer Verse: Poems of Murder and Mayhem (Everyman's Library Pocket Poets)
"Fluffy Weighs in on the Baby," The Iron Book of New Humorous Verse (Iron Books)
"Mother's Little Helpers," Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains, and Politics of Breastfeeding (Harvard Common Press)
"When Mommy Met Sally," How to Fit a Car Seat on a Camel: And Other Misadventures Traveling with Kids (Seal Press)
RECENT INTERVIEWS AND READINGS
Poems On: Poems about Food and Cooking with Al Basile and Robert Archambeau, September, 2024
Poems On: Joint reading of "romantic" (and not-so-romantic) poems with Al Basile and Alfred Nicol, February, 2022
Talkward: Interviewed by Weekly Humorist Publisher Marty Dundics; December, 2021
Rattlecast: Interviewed by Rattle Editor Timothy Green; June, 2021
It's All Write With Suzette: Interviewed by Suzette Standring; October, 2021